Conundrum Of Being The Second Girl Child

I'm living as the second girl child, and I would like to call it the COMPETITION SYNDROME. 

Some might call us Hypercompetitive which seemed to me as a positive word for years turns out to be a diagnosable mental disorder, but what makes it worse?

"BEING A SECOND CHILD IN A BODY OF A LADY"

Girls are a product of a normal system of biology but a failed product of Patriarchy, no I'm not a lady who will pinpoint men, I will directly tell what happened during these 23 years of my life (let's just subtract 5 to 7 years for obvious reasons of being a little child).

QUESTIONS ASKED:

1. Beta nahi hai apko ? (A complete stranger to me, a first-time guest in the house or an outsider, the same question asked in many ways)

2. Arey betiya toh ghar ki khushali hoti hai, bete toh bass roti dete hai.. karoge ek aur beta? (Well why do you care?)

3. Bass 2 betiya hai... koi dikat ho gai thi kya bhabhi ji ko? (Well apki biwi ko nhi hai na toh just sushh)

EXPECTATIONS:

1. Will get the guests water

2. Will pick up the plates and wash them

3. They do not need any house help, after all, it's 3 ladies in total.

4. Mariyada mai rahegi.

5. Will be there to take care when someone asks for it and they do not even deserve a thank you because well "girls".

6. Arey koi baat nhi IAS, Doctor banao, tb hi ye ladki hone ka kalank hatega. 

RESULTS:

1. Constantly being unforgiving of myself

2. Always fighting society one way or the other.

3. Competition and jealousy is something that's undetachable parts of the mind, soul and body.

4. Anxiety of being ordinary and not being able to communicate this unsaid plight of women.

5. Sometimes wishing that we had a brother so that we were attacked less - mentally. 

A Few Anecdotes.

1. Durga Pooja: We were invited to this pooja and a very old lady hugs me very dearly and said "Bhagwan tuj ko bhai de" ...

It felt like a hammer hitting my heart and a stone crushing my face trying to bury my identity, but I kept my anxieties aside and told myself that she is very old and I cannot change her point of view but surely I could a diplomatic sweet kid, (She has two grandsons, both in their 20s) 

I replied: "Arey nahi aunty bhai nahi chaiye, bhai toh hai hi, Neeraj and Pankaj bhaiya". 

She hugged me and said "Jeeti reh beti".

2. Baby In Waiting:  One of my neighbours was pregnant with their second child, and everyone in the house wanted a son, after the birth of the first girl child, but luck was not on their side it seems and a girl was born, many people went up to them and each and everyone had one thing to say in common "Koi baat nhi, kya hogya, isko hi acha karvana". Not a single soul I remember said "Mubarak ho!". And I can't help and think about what really happened when I was born, I know one thing my father distributed sweets, but I could see what my parents must have gone through.

3. The Inborn Homemaker: Many of my relatives insist on one thing "Ek ko bolo roti bana degi, ek ko bolo jadu laga degi phir tum bartan kar lena" meanwhile they have house helps! 

   Clarification:

I do not think that housework is not important it's a life skill, without which I do not know how can anyone survive, I do not think wishing for a boy child is in any way a bad thing but it should only be a wish not a need, I do not think that I could alone mend people to think otherwise, I have to be diplomatic at times and sometimes I have to just shut up because I need peace of mind to fight the battles not listed here, but a large chunk of my energy goes into being a lady of power who aspires equality for her future. 

I'm working on a novel called The Chela. I would enclose the link as and when it gets published. 

The conundrum of being the second girl child is neverending for this age and time but I guess I can do something about it. 

Love S.